This week in Commercial Creepazoids. 5/3/11

There's an old assertion that pet owners look and act like their pets.  A lanky person would be drawn to a hound.  A musclebound person would be drawn to a bulldog.  A person who likes to give directions would get a border collie. 

Kenny Rogers and his dog Gary.

The same might be said for couples.  If you date/marry/live with someone long enough, you start to take on their facial expressions, dress, and personality.  But if this new McDonald's commercial is any indication, sometimes people that look exactly the same find each other.

And by look the same, I mean to say they both look like CREEPS.  Sorry for the terrible video quality, but apparently this is the ONLY video of this commercial on the entire Internet.  Maybe even McDonald's is embarrassed by it.  Usually, finding a commercial is no problem.  Companies are desperate to post things to their corporate YouTube page so they can say they embrace social media.  Not this time.

The premise of this commercial is that the creepy woman has all sorts of pet names for his creepy lover.  Names like "Mr. Snuggles" and "Puggle-Wuggle." Alas, the bushy-haired creep can't for the life of him think of some ridiculous name to call the woman in order to prove his unyielding love.  No, the fact that he probably paid for a delicious McDonald's lunch is not proof enough of his passion.  But lo!  The answer to his prayers are sitting right there in front of him... a muse in the form of a large-sized, 280 calorie, 69 grams of sugar-infused McDonald's Sweet Tea. "I love you too Sweet Tea... Pie!"  WHO WRITES THIS.

In my research for this piece, my Google results came up with the Yahoo Answers! query "How does McDonald's make its Sweet Tea so good?"  I didn't look at the answer because I already know.  It starts with fresh pekoe cut black tea, then simply sweetened to taste!  And by sweetened to taste, I mean they add 17 sugar packets to it, then mix it all up.

But to the specifics of this commercial.  Both of these bug-eyed, chubby cheeked jabronis are just plain creepy.  Especially the woman with the Prince Valiant haircut.  It wasn't a good look in the Middle Ages, and it's not a good look today. 

The Knights of the Round Table cut their own hair.

Don't look directly into her eyes.

Is the ad agency going for cute here?  It's not cute, it's annoying.  It's repulsive.  There is nothing worse than being cooed at by a bug faced person with chipmunk cheeks, that goes for man or woman.  You know what's cute?  Golden Retriever puppies.  A better commercial would have been a couple having a picnic in a sunny park somewhere while playing with their golden retriever puppy.  Then, suddenly, the puppy takes a sip of the guy's Sweet Tea!  Then the woman has an epiphany, "we'll name her Sweetie Pie!"

I'm not saying it's perfect, but a commercial without creeps and with puppies is better than none at all.