Friday, May 15, 2015

7 Health-Killing Foods to Avoid, or Die Trying.

There's a lot of bad foods out there. 
But these Sinister Seven are the worst of the worst.




Bananas – While the fruit itself is harmless, you need to make sure not to slip on the peel. To avoid a slip and fall situation, dispose of the peel in the following manner:
  • Wrap peel in several layers of double-sided tape to ensure it is sticky to the touch.
  • Place wrapped peel into burlap sack and tie with twine.
  • Dispose of sack into trashcan.
  • Allow waste disposal truck to take entire trashcan away.
  • Enjoy banana.

Chicken breast – Some find the word “breast” too titillating, which may lead to heart palpitations and fainting. Try substituting chicken tenders where applicable.


Spaghetti – Sometimes used as a scary "bucket of guts", this carbo-loaded meal could definitely strangle you to death if wrapped around your neck.

Cigarette butts – While smoking can be an effective appetite suppressant, the Surgeon General says to avoid eating the butts, as they offer no known nutritional value.


Chia seeds – For the same reason that you shouldn’t throw rice at weddings because birds will eat the grains and die from expanding stomachs, chia seeds will expand in your stomach to over ten times their size. Avoid.


Microwave popcorn – Avoid using the microwave as the radiation may cause cancer.


Rocks – Rocks, while high in zinc, can also choke you to death if swallowed. Try pounding them into smaller bits before swallowing.